Don't read, just me whining is all...

Do you ever feel like your best will never be enough? That you'll never be good enough? That you are fat, ugly, and undesirable? Unlovable? That you're broken, ruined, and you'll never be any better? That things will never get any better? Well, this is how I feel right now...only getting 2 hours of sleep in the last 60 hrs probably has something to do with this, but it's still how I feel...


I look back to who I used to be, how I used to look, what my life used to be, and wonder how things ever got this bad. And how the fuck do I make it better again?

I got one of my weird feelings again...like something's gonna happen...it's not a bad feeling, just a weird feeling...and my feelings are always right. Something always does happen when I get these feelings, n not in a smart-ass way...something significant-borderline life-changing, if not entirely life-changing...and because of this, I just can't seem to fall asleep...

A baby bat hangin out on the wall outside a craft store...how cute!!

Whispers

 One of my favorite times of day-just before sunrise...the sky is turning shades of pink, lavender, and blue, and the street lights are still on. My favorite time to walk-no one is awake, no one around. You can hear the trees, buildings-even the road-whispering of things past. Who walked past here, so-n-so sat on this bench...this couple kissed here, n that couple pushed their child in a carriage there...tellings of other lives, sung melodies of days gone by...a time for reflection, "who am I, and what do I have to offer this life? How can I leave my mark, so that I will be whispered about in the days yet to come?"

Crush

I see you, though you’re not really there
I feel your touch as you caress my hair
I feel your body entwine with mine
I dream of you and lose the time
I feel your arms with love surround me
Love must be blind, for I cannot see
Your voice, it wakes inside of me
I startle, and look around to see
“Your love for me is the best I’ve known”
You have my heart, but I’m forever alone…
-by me

(I made this up in like 10 minutes, so please forgive how bad it sucks)
Originally written 5/31/11

Another thought...

It’s growing dark
Inside my heart
I’m going on a trip inside my mind
So I don’t have to see
Just what’s become of me…
The sunshine and warmth seem to be fading
For the love I deserve, I can’t keep waiting
It’s you I’m looking for, trying to find
A way to see
The reason to be...

(it’s my work in progress…)


Originally written 4/16/11

Alone

Sometimes alone isn’t a choice…sometimes it’s the only choice you have…for love is about flying and falling-crashing and lifting to the sky again-and sometimes that’s too much. Love isn’t love without madness, insanity, screaming, crying, running, flying…and again, sometimes that’s too much…so alone you must be, for sanity, for stability…alone except for the memories of you and music-the tinkle of your laughter, the bass of your yells, the melody of your whispers, and the symphony that was us…our love, our hate, our laughter and our pain…music soothes the savage beast? It soothes me, excites me, explains on me and lies about me, to me…does this make any sense? Does anything? And so I’m alone…

Originally written 10/31/10

Just a thought...

walking thru the shadows…wondering if you’re there beside me in your thoughts, in your heart…in the night, I feel you, I see you, I hear your breaths in my thoughts…we’re so close and still so far away…I long to declare to the world that you are mine as you say you are-not hers…you say that day will come soon, and you wish it already had-it is I that holds back…Why? Why? You always ask that…because the world isn’t ready for us, for you to be with me-there would be outrage…and because of this, I am not ready for the world…

Originally written 12/18/10...and I was right to have my doubts...it was all lies, or so it seems now. Tho the betrayal stings, it doesn't hurt like I thought it would. Maybe bc we were never together physically, so there's not really anything to miss...

Ugh

Trying to find an old poem I posted on tumblr in March, April, or May...I don't remember what month, n I don't even remember if I posted a pic with it or not!! N if I did post a pic with it, even what kind of pic I woulda posted it with!! Old age sucks! Lmao

Anyway, this is my blog, n there may be some crazy stuff here...think I'm gonna see about the over 18 thing, so I don't get into trouble...

Anyway, I can't promise you'll like everything, or even anything...but I appreciate you checkin it out...also, I type how I talk n think, mostly-so I don't wanna hear any crap about my grammar or spelling! I know how to speak n spell properly, I just choose not to!

Thanks for stoppin by!